Journal

A sneak peak into my journal and my thoughts and reflections.

  • All the reasons why I’m not doing the reading challenge

    All the reasons why I’m not doing the reading challenge

    It’s a new year and challenges and project prompts are everywhere – the daily photo challenge, the weekly writing challenge…

    It’s also the time for book lovers to enroll in the annual Goodreads reading challenge.

    I have done this challenge almost every year since 2015. For the past 7 times, I set the goal to read 12 books and successfully achieved this goal in the last two years.

    This year again Goodreads is luring me to take the challenge – with the big banners and prompts all over my profile.

    The goodreads reading challenge banner
    The goodreads reading challenge prompt
    Goodreads Reading Challenge

    But I am hesitating to take part. Here’s why.

    Reading is not a chore. I want reading to be an enjoyable experience and not take it as a burden.

    I want to focus on the quality of my reading rather than the number of books.

    I want to get more from the books I read.

    I want to savor the books I read, take my time and allow myself to mull over what I read, write about what I learn, and put things into action rather than go from one to the next like a task. I want to enjoy reading books.

    I know there are folks who read 100 books a year. I know I can do that too if I only work and read. But I have other hobbies in my life that I want to spend more time on like my singing and lettering projects.

    I want to have a slow, intentional life, especially when work and responsibilities come at me at a warping speed. Don’t we all deal with enough deadlines and pressures in life? Why add one more thing to the list of things to do?

    Life happens in phases. Some days I want to step back from reading to focus on other things, like decluttering my home, or setting up our new home. I may have an exciting new project to work on or maybe I’m too tired to read.

    I like to change things up and don’t want reading to be something I HAVE to do but rather something I enjoy doing, among all the other hobbies I have-like sketching and lettering.

    I want to bring back the joy of reading. Spending a lazy Sunday curled up with a book, and not a daily chore that I have to get done among a list of several things.

    I want to read when the mood strikes, and not have a schedule and a timeline for my reading.

    There may be books I start and do not finish because I don’t enjoy them anymore. I want to stop reading a book that doesn’t interest me without feeling guilty. Life is too short to read boring books.

    Sometimes I may even need to take a break halfway through the book.

    I want to read longer books on important topics that are deep, that can’t be read cover to cover in a week like Caste. I may need to take it all in slowly, think, and understand. Some books are not meant to be rushed.

    I know having a challenge pushes you to read more, keeps you motivated, and add a bit of structure to your reading. I’ve always been a reader since a very young age and I know I am going to continue tugging a book where ever I go. I don’t need the challenge to drive me.

    I don’t want to make reading like a homework assignment in my school years. Reading is a good habit that I want to do purely out of enjoyment.

    I don’t want to feel compelled to read just to finish a challenge.

    My reading goal this year is to read good books and cherish them. And do it without feeling guilty about not reading and pressurizing myself. And I will make that happen by not doing the Goodreads reading challenge. I am taking back the control in my own hands and feel empowered by this choice. This is my first step towards a slow, intentional life, this year.

  • The light of the world

    The light of the world

    This book is a memoir by Elizabeth Alexander written after she lost her husband, Ficre, four days after his 50th birthday. Ficre is an artist and chef. I found the book cover (one of his paintings) gorgeous and had to google him to find more of his colorful work.

    I picked up the book after the stellar reviews from bloggers I follow online. It was also one of Michelle Obama’s recommended readings for 2021.

    The book is a poetic love story of Elizabeth and Ficre. It talks about the rich African culture and food with the recipes that Ficre prepared for their family dinners.  Reading this book felt like listening to your best friend talk about her loss, and her memories, and stories.

    I have not yet learned to use our television DVR. One of the points of marriage is that you split labor. In the olden days that meant one hunted and one gathered; now it means one knows where the tea-towels are kept and the other knows how to program the DVR, for why should we both have to know?

    I felt Elizabeth wrote this book for herself, as a pass-me-down for the kids when they are older. The things she would tell her kids about their dad and their life together, the moments that she didn’t want to forget. Through these writings, Elizabeth gets to revisit those moments and re-live Ficre.

    To me, the book read like a group of disjointed essays, like a bunch of memories and recollections of Elizabeth about her husband. Like I was reading someone’s journal entries, at times almost like a stream of consciousness. It seemed to lack a unified narration.

    I really wanted to like this book, but I just couldn’t get into it. The writing is definitely beautiful and the relationship explored is lovely, too. The book is filled with poetic and soul-touching content. My heart goes out to her loss, and she certainly conveyed how much she loved Ficre. Still, I just couldn’t find a way to connect with the book.

    The one part that resonated with me in the entire book was when she talks about the friendship she had with her husband.

    ..The friendship part of the marriage,that is the part for which you need the person present, and that is what I miss. Friendship in marriage is its own thing-friendship in a cup of tea…

    I couldn’t agree more. After decades of being together sometimes, marriage is all about friendship – friendship in the Sunday walks, friendship in picking up prescriptions, friendship in calling him when you have good news to share, or bad news to cry with.

    Halfway into the book, I felt weary of the idealized life she painted- this perfect world of friends, family, food, art, etc. I repeatedly left it and returned to it days later.

    In all marriages there is a struggle and ours was no different in that regard. But we always came to the other shore, dusted off, and said, There you are, my love.

    Maybe I wasn’t in the frame of mind for the depth and richness of language. Maybe I would have enjoyed it more if I wasn’t distracted by our upcoming summer plans. Maybe this reading experience was all about me. Maybe this book wasn’t for me or maybe it was the timing. 

    Nevertheless, I found reading it a tedious process and had a hard time finishing the book. It definitely was not a page-turner for me. And so I pushed through to the end in spite of a strong desire to put it aside. 

    But there’s no question that Ficre was a wonderful man and the light of her world.

  • When breath becomes air

    When breath becomes air

    Book Author: Paul Kalanithi

    My thoughts and what I learned:

    I read this book right after I read “The top 5 regrets of the dying” which talked about the last few days and hours before a person’s death, from a caregiver’s perspective.  I knew this book covered a similar topic. But I was curious to find out how a neurosurgeon who has accomplished so much in a short span of life approaches death, and how he would think and act in the face of his own death.

    Interestingly enough, like Bronnie, the author of “The top 5 regrets of the dying”, Paul also wrote an article in the New York times that gained publicity and later went on to write this book.

    I instantly found similarities between his life and mine- his dad being a doctor, the south Indian parents who emphasize doing the best in academics, mom keeping up with the kid’s education and instilling the habit of reading books at a very young age.

    I remember vividly the numerous trips to the bookstores with my dad. Waiting eagerly for weeks for the next book in the series to show up in that one book store we had in our small town.

    Books became my new closest confidants finely grounded lenses providing new views of the world.

    The book was divided into 2 parts. Part 1 was packed with medical terms and anecdotes from medical school. I found it fascinating, maybe because I have heard similar stories from my dad who is a doctor, about being a medical student, making that first cut through a body, and the “daily act of balancing joy and pain, life and death”.

    I have more appreciation for the medical profession and the doctors who work tirelessly, making judgment calls, day in and day out, and living with the consequences of those judgment calls.

    What makes life meaningful enough to go on living. Would you trade your ability or your mother’s to talk for a few extra months of mute life?

    This is a question I asked myself when my mom went through brain surgery and was left blind for two years with several complications that took away major decision-making and motor skills. And complicated her life for the rest of the two years she was around before she was gone forever.

    Cancer is a weird illness. It either tears your family apart or brings them together.  My mom’s illness brought me and my dad together.

    As I made through the pages, I realized there is a myriad of things that can crash and break and kill you. I found myself appreciating every part of my body and every organ inside that is functioning well.

    I thought web development was a tough job until I read his grueling long hours of work. Working 88 hours per week is unimaginable for me even when I was starting off.

    And doctors can’t afford to make a mistake.

    How do you set priorities? How do you decide which patient is ok to let go and which is to save?

    How do you define a good day? When your patient is not dead but going to be feeding off the tubes for the rest of his life. Or when a patient is dead and out of his trauma.

    Memories came flooding through as I read about the brain cancer references and stories. The shaved head, the paperwork signing off the surgery, the scared and confused family including me and my dad wondering if we will ever see my mom as the person she was before the surgery (we never did), making sense of the MRI scans and the tumor inside the brain, the prognosis after the surgery, the treatment plan.

    Do you think my life has meaning? Do you think I made the right choices?

    The questions we ponder In the face of mortality

    The scenes in part 2 were all too familiar with what my family went through when my mom was diagnosed.  Finding the best surgeon to operate, the best clinic to get the RT, the belief that we are going to beat this, the ray of hope that shines through from every bit of the good news which makes you feel stronger. Like when the biopsy shows a grade 3 tumor and not grade 4 so we only need radiation treatment and not chemo!

    This book makes you realize that just living and being healthy is a lottery in itself. Don’t take it for granted.  Celebrate every birthday. Make it a big deal. Cut that cake. Eat that dessert.

    The first part is about Paul approaching his practice and patients as a doctor, a case, a treatment – using medicine and science to stave off death and return patients to their old life.

    The second part shows him battling between doctor-self and patient-self as he calls it, looking at his patients as a human, understanding their emotions, guiding them and their families through, and making sense of their existence in life that will never be the same.

    Even after a neurosurgeon, in the end, he resorts to scriptures and literature to find solace and make sense of what was happening. I wonder why we tend to go back to God/faith/scripture when faced with our mortality.

    What amazes me is how someone can write so beautifully and poetically when they are terminally ill, with months to live ??

    "The fog surrounding my life rolled back another inch and a sliver of blue sky peeked through."

    I couldn’t get past the epilogue written by Lucy (Paul’s wife) without wallowing in tears. It was sweet to read about the life they shared that got them through managing his illness. This book is sure to leave you puffy-faced.

    “This book is the story of a man who scratched his future plans to create a new one and fought the disease with grace and was not afraid to be vulnerable”

    In the end, love and family matter the most, the simple moments with your family- the safe small village. The ones who will be around when you take that last breath and become air.

    Quotes from the book that caught my attention:

    • When there’s no place for the scalpel, words are the surgeon’s only tool.
    • Each of us can only see a part of the picture.
    • Human knowledge is never contained in one person.  It grows from the relationships we create between each other and the world.
  • The top five regrets of the dying

    The top five regrets of the dying

    Book Author: Bronnie Ware

    My thoughts and what I learned:

    The 5 regrets:

    Regret #1 – “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”

    Regret #2 – “I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.

    Regret #3 – “I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings**.”**

    Regret #4 – “I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

    Regret #5 – “I wish that I had let myself be happier.

    On death:

    This book has been on my TBR list for a long time. By the time, I got around to reading the book, the five regrets seemed quite familiar from the several blog posts I read and interviews I heard with Bronnie. Nevertheless, I was interested in her story.

    But the stories between the lessons are what made this book worth reading.

    We live in a society that keeps death hidden. So little is written about death and the last moments of the dying.

    It is heart-wrenching reading the details of what happens during the last few days and even hours of her dying patients. But it is also the truth we all have to handle at some point in our lives -with our spouses, parents, friends, and maybe even kids.

    As morbid as it might be, you will encounter many realities of the dying in this book, like the loss of dignity and privacy.

    Like when Bronnie writes…

    “When you are dying, the privacy and special moments between the spouses are gone forever when you have caregivers around your 24/7”.

    The stories bring perspective to my own life and gratitude for the countless blessings that I have, like being able to communicate, do my own things, clean my bottoms- the simple things we take for granted until we can’t do them.

    I’ve known death. I’ve heard people dying but never have I experienced being with someone when they took their last breath. Neither with my grandma nor with my mom was I lucky to be there to hold their hands when they breathed their last.

    Reading about how Bronnie was in the room with Ruth waiting for her to say farewell with the presence of death lingering and how her spirit left her body when she took the last breath gave me chills.  It made me wonder how it was with mummy and my grandma.

    This is the first book I read about people taking their last breath and how the last few hours before passing occurs. Initially, it made me anxious and teary-eyed but by the end of the book, as I read through the stories one by one the scenes became familiar.

    Connection to Bronnie:

    Even before I started reading the book  I felt a connection to her. Maybe because she was a singer and writer, navigating a job while looking for meaning and purpose in her life

    Maybe it was her attempts to find work she loved but never seemed to move past the challenge completely.  Or is it the dread and fear, the choking and shaking when she started performing, in the beginning?

    Her stories about her Gran reminded me of my grandma who I was close with growing up. She was a petite lady like Bronnie’s.

    A guide:

    I read this book at the end of 2021 while I found myself at the crossroads of choosing between a lifelong passion that made my heart sing and a career path I was not too happy about.  I was hoping to get some answers from this book to help me navigate this choice.

    The stories helped me tremendously to navigate the decision-making process.  It gave me the courage to follow my heart and take a leap with trust.

    Like they say “some books come into your life as a teacher and a guide”.

    Death and the physical world:

    I could relate to how after a person’s death, their physical world gets dismantled and their belongings go to new places.

    My mom loved collecting artful home decor pieces. After her passing, I have brought many of her favorite pieces from India to my home in San Jose.  I wanted to have her with me -the things she picked, the stuff she cared for, polished and cleaned. I wanted to be surrounded by at least some of those pieces.

    My mom’s death taught me to not get attached to material things and especially one’s home. It’s only a place where the family lives when we are all together.  Agreed I like to keep it beautiful and clean. But no handcrafted expensive Persian rugs that make me nervous every time my friends are sipping red wine. No hand-carved Italian dining table that makes me fret when my guests are not using the coasters.

    A walk through the memory lane:

    Ruth’s story reminded me of my grandma’s home with the big front garden filled with her favorite fruit trees and flowering plants.  There’s was so much beauty and mystery running amidst the trees as a young girl. Now that home has been demolished and replaced by a row of shopping stores. All the trees and plants have been crushed and replaced by car parking lots. But the memories linger every time I pass by, on my trip back to my hometown.

    My mom and memories:

    Some of the chapters left me teary-eyed thinking about my mom and her personality and her years-long struggle with her illness and her final days of 24/7 need for a caregiver. Her struggle with letting go of her privacy and the fiascos we experienced with her showering and pooping all at once. Stella reminded me very much of my mother with her hygiene and want for clean sheets. She was also a lady of style just like my mom.

    The chapter on simplicity made me realize how unprepared I was when I lost my mom to illness after a long battle. And how it was not my fault how I dealt with my fears and panic and all the emotions that surfaced, emotions totally out of control.

    In a way, this book reminded me of my mom’s caregiver. Since my mom passed away, she has been with my dad for more than 12 years. Throughout the pages, I felt the love with which she cared for my mom. I understood her thoughts, how selflessly she cared for my mom, how much she became a part of our family and even take care of me. How much empathy she has for me being away in a different country and taking it upon herself to care for my dad.

    About our environment:

    We are all products of our environment and it is up to us to choose the kind of environment we want to be in.  It can be a city scene with a hopping bar and techno music blaring thru the speakers, sliding ecstasy pills down the throat, dancing in the bars.

    Or you can choose social time with good people around healthy and delicious food, with a lot of laughter and conversation, drinking tea, going for long walks and catching up with each other.

    You have a choice. And you always fit right in.

    You need to have the motivation and courage to change your environment and a desire to challenge yourself and improve your life.

    The most affected regret:

    The part that affected me the most was regret #4 about not staying in touch with friends and the loneliness. It reminded me about my dad and how he is managing alone in India. Most of his close friends are no more or they are too old. He is alone there and waits for my call every day.

    I also realized, in the end, friends matter the most. Old and loyal friends are what help you carry through the crunch. I made it a resolution for next year to call up my friends more often. It is time to rekindle the old friendships I had left behind in the hustle and bustle of life.

    A lesson in results-based living:

    I connected with Cath who was very results-oriented and always seeking a purpose in her life. Her words “while I was searching for my purpose in life I forgot to enjoy myself along the way” resonated with me on several levels.

    This book taught me to focus less on the results and more on the time along the way, to be gentle and kind to yourself, and forgive yourself for the things you are guilty of.

    One final message:

    The one clear message that came across from the author is to have a leap of faith and trust once intuition, as she did when she led her free life in the jeep in a caravan park amount the bushes in Australia.  And to move forward with trust knowing that it would all work out in the end. She talks about trusting in a higher power and having faith and doing what feels right for you.

    Maybe we all should do this more often.  Living from one leap of faith to the next.

    I love how she trusts herself and her intuition and takes leaps of faith trusting that the next steps will reveal themselves at the right time. Although I am a risk-averse person I am learning to surrender and make decisions from a place of faith and hope, especially when it comes to my job and next steps.

    What really matters in the end:

    In the end, your belongings are not what matters. It’s how you lived your life. If you said the things you wanted to say, lived true to your own desires not based on the expectations of others, or the society expects. Did you honor your desires? Did you have the courage to live an honest life? How much happiness you brought to those who lived. Expressing how you feel to your loved ones is important. Telling people how much you value them Is important.

    Quotes from the book that caught my attention:

    REGRET #1: I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”

    • We do more to avoid the pain than to gain pleasure.
    • Compassion starts with yourself.
    • It is time to start living as who I wanted to be one small step at a time.
    • Sometimes we don’t know until much later that a particular moment in time had changed our life’s direction.
    • We are all going to die. Rather than acknowledge it we try to hide it. If we are able to face our own death with honest acceptance before we have reached that time then we can shift our priorities well before it is too late.  Once we acknowledge that limited time is remaining we are less driven by ego and more driven by what our heart truly wants.
    • Being sick is a way to dissolve the ego.
    • Everything comes down to love or fear. Every emotion. Every action. Every thought.
    • I finally came to the conclusion that I would have to eventually work from the heart as working from the intellect has left me too empty and dissatisfied.  So I began developing my creative skills through writing, photography which led to songwriting and performing.
    • The same force that balances the flow of the tides, the force that sees the seasons come and go and creates life will also bring the opportunity to me that I needed.  My only job now is to get out of the way and stop controlling the timing and the outcome.
    • It was only through surrendering and staying present that I could allow the job opportunity to flow my way.
    • If we are all to become a product of our environment, choose the right environment- one that suits the direction of the life I want to go.
    • Success doesn’t depend on someone saying yes. It is having the courage to be you.
    • It was time to live again and to stop trying to control the outcome.
    • We are given lessons to heal not to enjoy.
    • It was my life and it was my choice how I handled what unfolded.

    Regret #2 – “I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.

    • Just being a good person is more than enough in life.
    • Life doesn’t owe you anything. You owe yourself. So the best way to make the most out of life is to appreciate its gift of it. And choose not to be a victim.
    • There is a fine line between compassion and victim mentality.  Compassion is a healing process and comes from a place of kindness towards oneself. Playing the victim is a toxic waste of time.
    • When you are doing work that you love it doesn’t feel like work. It is simply a natural extension of who you are.
    • Sometimes you have to take some steps back to get a run-up before you jump.
    • If you really love what you do you become more open to the flow of money because you are more absorbed in your work and a happier person.
    • What we really need to do is work out what we want to do, or on what project and work toward that with focus determination and faith. Then money will attach itself to you naturally through Unimagined sources.
    • The help does come. We just have to get out of the way. And surrender.  Let go when there is no more that could be done and keep working as if it already happened.
    • Sometimes we can know things for a long time before we act on them.
    • A simple life is a happy life. Simplicity is a good choice.
    • Clearing out physical belongings always leaves a person feeling more spacious on the inside as well.
    • The lessons and stories in between are good reminders of how little time we have and how we can choose to make the most of it. And live a good life.  The stories are a good reminder that we will all die. Death is the universal truth and we shud not play like this doesn’t happen to us.
    • It is easy for us to assume that we will live forever. But life doesn’t work that way.

    Regret #3 – “I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings**.”**

    • We must learn to express our feelings and have the courage to do so.
    • Have the courage to express your feelings honestly. Pride is a waste of time.
    • We should never feel guilty for expressing our feelings and should never make someone feel guilty if they found the courage to do so.
    • Just because someone doesn’t respond the way you wish doesn’t mean you should regret the attempt to have expressed yourself. The reaction of others is their choice.
    • In the end, how I perceived myself is all that matters and I want to be courageous and honest.  Learning to be open was also starting to feel good.
    • In the end, only happy memories remain.
    • Courage and honesty are always rewarded.

    Regret #4 – “I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

    • Loneliness leaves an emptiness in the heart that can physically kill you. Loneliness isn’t the lack of people. It is the lack of understanding and acceptance.  Loneliness is the longing for the company of one who understands you.
    • There is much to learn from older people so much history is carried forward with them.
    • It is in giving that we receive.
    • The only thing that brings out the best in anyone is love.
    • It is about having the right friends for the right occasion.
    • Don’t lose touch with the friends who value you the most.  Those who accept you as who you are and who know you very well are worth more than anything in the end. Don’t let life get in the way. Just always know where to find them. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable either.
    • People make themselves old before their time.
    • Grandparents are an integral part of a child’s life and should be given plenty of opportunities to spend time with them.
    • Make time for your friends regularly. Do it for yourself even more than for them. We need our friends.
    • Allow yourself time with your friends.
    • Friends bring humor to sad times and this humor brings happiness to the dying person.  Friends are the ones capable of making you laugh through the worst of times.

    Regret #5 – “I wish that I had let myself be happier.

    • Our body is where our past is stored. All of our pain and joy manifests within the body one way or the other.
    • We can be whoever we allow ourselves to be.
    • It is too easy to always want more from life but we will never have everything we want. Appreciating what we have along the way is the most important thing.
    • The freedom to be you is the greatest freedom of all.
    • Don’t worry about the little stuff. None of it matters. Only love matters.
    • Nothing good can be done alone   We need to work together.
    • Truth brings people together.
    • It is the heart that guides you to joy, not the mind. Overcoming the mind and letting go of others’ expectations allows you to hear your own heart and the courage to then follow it is where true happiness lies.
    • A happy life can be found by being brave enough to honor your own desires too.
    • The bravery needed to change your life is easier to find when you are kind to yourself.  Kindness and forgiveness are good starting points. Patience is also required as good things take time.

    On singing:

    • Yet through all of these nerves and dread, something drove me. It was the acceptance that this was my life’s work and a yearning to contribute. It was also the desire to be heard.
    • If I make a mistake I laugh gently with myself and carry on. After all, performers are human too.
    • Midway singing when the negative thoughts kick in change the focus to breath observing it going in and out. It was the breath I had to focus on at that moment.
    • Remove me from the equation and see it as a time of giving to those in the audience. A simple prayer was silently said beforehand thanking the music flowing through me and bringing these people pleasure. Then I would just get out of the way and enjoy the music as much as the audience.

    Tools that help to conquer the nerves while performing.

    • Meditation
    • Practise
    • Consistently putting myself out there

    When you wanna follow your heart:

    1. Have a leap of faith
    2. Face your fears.
    3. Get your head out of the way.
    4. Bring yourself back to the present moment.
    5. Move forward. With trust. Live intuitively.
    6. Surrender and let go.
    7. Allow nature to weave its magic.
  • Greenlights

    Greenlights

    Book Author: Matthew McConaughey

    My thoughts and what I learned:

    Matthew McConaughey was never my favorite actor.  In fact, I didn’t like the many performances that I have seen of him. I picked up the book after I read it in the recommended list of books by a blogger. 

    The designer in me was fascinated by the book design with all the scribbles and the handwritten notes, the polaroid photographs, the script font of chapter titles, and the post-it design of the TOC. I was intrigued by the unusual name for a Memoir as well.

    Part 1 was a bit boring as I was not keen on learning about his relationship with his parents and siblings and his childhood stories.

    Don’t walk into a store like you wanna buy it.  Walk in like you own it.

    his mom

    I was more interested to read about his career- the setbacks and stumbles along the way to becoming the popular actor he is now, how he found his path and survived the failures -which I was sure he had plenty of- on the way to stardom.

    To my surprise, I didn’t find many stories of his failing and persisting. In that sense, this is a different kind of book.

    He talks about his struggles once he achieves stardom instead of the struggles to get to stardom and the happily ever after that the reader is left to imagine.

    He talks about his journey to find the true person he is, and to stay his truth once he achieved stardom-to that person, and to whatever he does.

    I’d rather lose money having fun than make money being bored.

    his dad

    Matthew is an amazing writer and thinker. His style of writing and his choice of words are beautiful “Audacious existentialism.  Deconstructing to construct. Geographic splendor.”. I am surprised he has not written more books.

    Reading the story behind how he landed his most popular dialogue, those three words (Alright Alright Alright) that follow him everywhere 28 years later, was interesting.

    Sometimes when we start a project, hardly do we realize the magnanimity of what that project could possibly turn into later. For Matthew, it was the first words on the very first night of the job that he thought would be a hobby but later turned, into his stellar career.

    Reading this memoir helped me understand why the characters he played were rugged, raw, and rough.

    Most of his characters were inspired by the people he met in his trailer life which was essentially the “front row seats to real life”. Maybe that’s why I never liked him in the movie?

    Maybe it’s time to rewatch some of the movies, now that I know him better?

    Quotes from the book that caught my attention:

    • The world is conspiring to make me happy.
    • Catching a green light is about timing. The world’s timing. And ours. When we are in the zone. On the frequency and in the flow.
    • Everything we do in life is part of the plan. Sometimes the plan goes as intended and sometimes it doesn’t.  That’s part of the plan.
    • The problems we face today turn into blessings in the rearview mirror.  It’s a matter of how we see the challenge in front of us and how we engage with it.  Persist. Pivot. Or concede. It’s up to us. Our choice every time.
    • Words have expectations and consequences.
    • A denied expectation hurts more than a denied hope. A fulfilled hope makes you happier than a fulfilled expectation.  Hope for a higher return on happiness and less debit on denial.
    • Create structure so you can have freedom. Map your direction so you can swerve in the lane.
    • We need discipline, guidelines, context, and responsibility early in any endeavor.
    • Knowing who you are is hard. Eliminate who you are not first and we will find ourselves where we need to be. We must first remove that which causes the most friction to our core being.
    • There was a lesson I was out there to learn that there was a silver lining in all of this that I needed to go through hell to get to the other side.

    Do whatever you want to do in life but don’t half-ass it.

    his dad
    • Style is knowing who you are, what you want to say and not giving a damn.
    • You know who you are when you become independent enough to believe your own thoughts and become responsible for your actions and you not only believe what you want but you LIVE what you believe
    • The more we travel the more we realize how similar our human needs  are. We want to be loved, have a family, community and something to look forward to.
    • Days of prosperity make us forget adversity.  Good times seem out of reach during the bad ones.  Both can seem like final destinations.
    • Taking the road less traveled can make all the difference. It may be the road that we personally have traveled less. The introvert may have to get out of the house, engage with the world and go public.  The extrovert may need to stay home and read a book.
    • Don’t walk the “it’s too late, it’s too soon” tightrope until you die.
    • We are all made for every moment we encounter. Don’t create imaginary constraints.
    • Sometimes we don’t need advice. Sometimes we only need to hear we are not the only one.
    • Sometimes which choice you make is not as important as MAKING a choice and committing to it.
    • Some people looks for an excuse to do. Others look for an excuse not to do.
    • I have never had trouble turning the page in the book of my life. Guilt and regret kill many a man before their time. Get off the ride. You’re the author of the book of your life.  Turn the page.
    • We must be aware of what we attract in life because it is no accident or coincidence. Sometimes we don’t need to make things happen. Our souls are infinitely magnetic.
    • The genius can do anything. But does one thing at a time.
    • Grandkids are twice as nice and half the work.
    • Being surrounded by senior citizens will remind you of your own mortality and make you feel younger at the same time.
    • Staying active and social is the key to longevity.
    • Death, family crisis and newborns. There are three things that will shake your floor and give you clarity, remind you of your own mortality, give you the courage to live harder, stronger and truer. three things that make you ask yourself “What matters”.
    • If we all made sense of humor the default emotion, we’d all get along better.

    On finding this truth

    I had crossed a Truth.  I think it found me. Because I put myself in a place to be found. I put myself in a place to receive it. I believe the truth is all around us all the time. We don’t identify, grasp, hear, see or access them because we are not in the right place to.  We have to make a plan. The plan to find out the truth.

    First, we need to put ourselves in a place to receive the truth. Then be aware enough to receive it and conscious enough to recognize it.

    We need the presence to personalize it. We ask ourselves what it means and how it’s unique to us and why it’s here now.

    Then comes the patience to persevere. Keep it lit and not let it flutter. This takes commitment, time, and attendance. Have the courage to live it. To have the courage to walk away from that place where it found u. Take that truth with us into our daily lives. Practice it. Make it an active part of who we are.

    His tips when facing a crisis.

    1. Recognize the problem
    2. Stabilize the situation.
    3. Organize the response
    4. Respond.

    Some truthbombs

    • If you’re gonna do this, if you’re gonna commit to this change, then we are gonna do it all the way. No half-assing it.
    • Life is not a popularity contest. Be brave. Take the hill but first answer. What is my hill? What is success to me? Continue to ask that question.
    • Whatever your answer is don’t choose anything that will jeopardize your soul. Prioritize who you are. Who you want to be. Don’t spend time with anything that antagonizes your character.
    • If I couldn’t do what I wanted I wasn’t going to do what I didn’t. No matter what the price.
    • Rather than struggle against time and waste it lets dance with time and redeem it. Because we don’t live longer when we try not to die we live longer when we are too busy living.
    • Life is our resume. It is our story to tell.  And the choices we make write the chapters.  Can we live in a way where we look forward to looking back?  In our eulogy, our story will be told by others and forever introduce us when we are gone.
  • Ikigai, the Japanese secret to a happy life

    Ikigai, the Japanese secret to a happy life

    Book Author: Francesc Miralles and Hector Garcia

    My thoughts and what I learned:

    The book explores the lives of people living in Okinawa, Japan which has the highest life expectancy in the world.

    Ikigai: “There is a passion inside you, a unique talent, that gives meaning to your days and drives you to share the best of yourself until the very end.”

    The western world has created our life’s purpose as something grand and life-altering. Something that everyone should actively pursue, to find happiness.

    This book will prompt you to stop being hard on yourself seeking your life’s purpose. Your life’s purpose doesn’t have to be awe-inspiring, ambitious, or world-changing. Finding your purpose doesn’t have to be a strategic scheme and you don’t have to worry too much about finding it.

    We need to stay curious, be led by curiosity, do the things we enjoy, keep doing the things that fill us with happiness, get away from negativity and negative people.

    “It doesn’t have to be big things.“

    We can find meaning in being good parents or cooking or saying hello to our neighbors or volunteering.

    Your ikigai can be in the simple things you enjoy doing, the things that bring you into a state of flow and make you happy. Your happiness and ikigai are in leading a simpler life, in staying curious, avoiding major stressors, challenging yourself enough. In eating healthy, sleeping, and being with children and pets and a community of friends.

    You can be busy pursuing your ikigai but not be rushed. Being busy is ok, it is about doing your tasks with a sense of calm.

    Recently, I find that our culture and social media are filled with productivity tips and exercise routines, people running marathons, and doing strength training and beauty regiments. This book shows you that doing simple things is good enough. You don’t have to run a marathon, just add movement to your day and keep moving throughout the day.

    If you picked up this book hoping that it will guide you to finding your ikigai, you will be disappointed. The book is more about telling you how important it is to live a life following your ikigai and how your ikigai will help you lead a long and happy life, with insights from Okinawa. It doesn’t provide any guidance on how to figure out your Ikigai, which was what I was originally hoping for, from the book.

    Okinawa reminded me of my hometown, Kerala in the southern state of India, where I spend the first 20 years of my life. Life revolves around the community and the residents know each other by our names. Spirituality is woven into our daily lives with rituals, celebrations, and ancestral worship. Temple visits and festivities blend seamlessly into our schedules.

    Most of the habits mentioned in the book are already inculcated in my upbringing. So although the takeaway for me personally was not much, it was a good reminder to go back to my roots – the habits and rituals I brushed aside living in this country for a few decades. Overall the book was pleasant but nothing extraordinary.

    Quotes from the book that caught my attention:

    • Food won’t help you live longer. The secret is smiling and having a good time.
    • A wise person should not ignore life’s pleasures. He can live with these pleasures but should always remain conscious of how easy it is to be enslaved by them.
    • There is nothing wrong with enjoying lives pleasures as long as they do not take control of your life as you enjoy them. You have to be prepared for these pleasures to disappear.  The goal is not to eliminate all feelings and pleasures from our lives but to eliminate negative emotions.
    • Happiness is always determined by your heart.
    • Our intuition and curiosity are very powerful internal compasses to help us connect with our ikigai.
    • Life is not a problem to be solved. Just remember to have something that keeps you busy, doing what you love while being surrounded by the people who love you.
    • Fill your belly to 80%.
    • We have to learn to turn off autopilot that’s steering us in an endless loop.
    • Have a stoic attitude. Serenity in the face of a setback.
    • What we need is not a peaceful existence but a challenge we can strive to meet by applying all the skills at our disposal.
    • Compass over maps. A good compass will take you where you need to go. It is important to reflect on what we hope to achieve before starting a project. Have a clear objective. Keep this objective in mind without obsessing over it.
    • Concentrating on one thing may be the single most important factor in achieving flow.
    • Happiness is in the doing, not in the results.
    • If your want to stay busy even when there’s no need to work there has to be an Olivia on your horizon a purpose that guides you throughout your life and pushes you to make things of beauty and utility for the community and yourself.
    • They have an important purpose in life or even several. They have an ikigai but they don’t take it too seriously. They are relaxed and enjoy all that they do.

    From the interview with Okinawa people.

    • Eat and sleep and you will live a long time. You have to learn to relax.
    • If you keep your mind and body busy you’ll be around for a long time.
    • Open your heart to people with a nice smile on your face.
    • The best way to avoid anxiety is to get out in the street and say hello to people.
    • You have to keep your ancestors in mind. It’s the first thing I do every morning.
    • If you don’t work, your body will break down.
    • Nurture your friendships everyday.
    • Chatting and drinking tea with my neighbors. Thats the best thing in life.
    • Live an unhurried life.
    • Always staying busy and doing one thing at a time. Without getting overwhelmed.
    • Celebrate all the time , even the little things in life. Music, song and dance are an essential part of daily life.

    Okinawa diet

    • Add plenty of vegetables and fruits to your diet.
    • Eat less sugar, and if at al you eat make it cane sugar.
    • Its ok to have white rice everyday.
    • Add less salt to your food.
    • Eat more fish.

    Two key things to do

    • Accept your feelings
    • Do what you should be doing

    Two key questions to ask yourself

    1. What do we need to be doing right now?
    2. What action should we be taking?

    The 10 Rules of Ikigai

    1. Stay active and don’t retire.
    2. Take it slow.
    3. Don’t fill your stomach.
    4. Surround yourself with good friends.
    5. Get in shape for your next birthday.
    6. Smile.
    7. Reconnect with nature.
    8. Give thanks.
    9. Live in the moment.
    10. Find your Ikigai.

  • The subtle art of not giving a f*ck 

    The subtle art of not giving a f*ck 

    Book Author: Mark Manson

    My thoughts:

    This book showed up in my Insta feed and I decided to give it a read, at the beginning of 2022.

    To begin with, there is an extremely generous use of the F word throughout the book. Mark has it sprinkled in as many sentences as he possibly could. If you find that offensive, don’t pick up the book.

    I found the first half – unlike other self-help books I’ve read – filled with nuggets of tough love and truth bombs. The second half of the book was not too different from what you’ll read in any other self-help book. Towards the end, I found it extremely boring and a slow read. In fact, I had a hard time finishing up the book.

    Quotes from the book:

    • The desire for a more positive experience is in itself a negative experience.
    • The acceptance of one’s negative experience is itself a positive experience.
    • Everything worthwhile in life is won through surmounting the associated negative experience.
    • Life is an endless series of problems. Hope for a life full of good problems.
    • True happiness occurs only when you find the problems you enjoy having and enjoy solving.
    • Everything comes with an inherent sacrifice-whatever makes us feel good will also make us feel bad.
    • What pain do you want in your life? What are you willing to struggle for?
    • Who you are is defined by what you’re willing to struggle for.
    • The truth is that there’s no such thing as a personal problem. If you have a problem chances are millions of other people have had it in the past, have it now, and are going to have it in the future. It just means you’re not special.
    • A lot of people are afraid to accept mediocrity because they believe that if they accept it, they’ll never achieve anything, never improve, and their life won’t matter.
    • The acknowledge and acceptance of your own mundane existence will actually free you to accomplish what you truly wish to accomplish without judgment or lofty expectations.
    • If you’re miserable in your current situation, chances are it’s because you feel like some part of it is outside your control – that there’s a problem you have no ability to solve, a problem that was somehow thrust upon you without your choosing.
    • When we feel like we are choosing our problems we feel empowered. You are always choosing.
    • Don’t be special; don’t be unique. Redefine your metrics in mundane and broad ways. Choose to measure yourself not as a rising star or an undiscovered genius. Choose to measure yourself not as some horrible victim or dismal failure. Instead, measure yourself by more mundane identities: a student, a partner, a friend, a creator.
    • This often means giving up some grandiose ideas about yourself: that you’re uniquely intelligent, or spectacularly talented, or intimidatingly attractive, or especially victimized in ways other people could never imagine. 
    • If it feels like it’s you versus the world, chances are it’s really just you versus yourself.
    • Life is about not knowing and then doing something anyway. All of life is like this. It never changes.
    • If you’re stuck on a problem, don’t sit there and think about it; just start working on it. Even if you don’t know what you’re doing, the simple act of working on it will eventually cause the right ideas to show up in your head.
    • Don’t just sit there. Do something. The answers will follow.
    • We are defined by what we choose to reject.

    Do something and then harness the reaction to that action as a way to begin motivating.

    MARk manson

  • Reflecting on my 2021 book reads

    Reflecting on my 2021 book reads

    My goal for 2021 was to read 12 books. By the end of the year, I read 22 books, which is way more than my usual yearly quota.

    I rekindled my love for reading during the pandemic. Last year I also connected with book bloggers and friends who gave out good recommendations and inspired me to read more.

    Here are the list of books with my ratings and thoughts from the reading list:

    Books read in 2021 by Femy Praseeth
    1. Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil ★★★★★

    This is a non-fiction novel, a category I never knew existed. This is also the first crime novel I read since my teen years. I would never have picked this one if not for the recommendation from a friend.

    This book is entertaining and captivating, in spite of a slow start. with quirky characters and funny rituals. I was fascinated by the historical old town, Savannah, in Georgia where the story happens, to the point where I googled the place and made a mental note to visit Savannah someday. This was also the last book I read in 2021.

    1. When Breath Becomes Air ★★★★★
    2. The Last Lecture ★★★★★
    3. The Top Five Regrets of the Dying: A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing ★★★★★
    4. Tuesdays with Morrie ★★★★★
    5. The Phone Booth at the Edge of the World ★★★★★
    6. The Five People You Meet in Heaven ★★★☆☆

    Surprisingly, I read more books on grief, loss, and death this year than ever before:

    • 2 books written by the dying – When breath becomes air, The last lecture.
    • 2 books about folks who talked with the dying – The Top Five Regrets of the Dying loss, Tuesdays with Morrie.
    • 2 novels dealing with grief, mourning and afterlife – The Phone Booth at the Edge of the World, The Five People You Meet in Heaven

    These books along with the pandemic crept into my subconscious and made a subtle shift in my perspectives and my priorities in life and work.

    It helped me get a deeper understanding of my losses, be more gentle with myself and my reactions to life events. Sometimes, it’s comforting to know that “you’re not the only one”.

    1. Greenlights ★★★★★
    2. I Am a Girl from Africa ★★★★★
    3. The Choice: Embrace the Possible ★★★★★
    4. Tell Me More ★★★★★
    5. Broken ★★★☆☆
    6. Buy Yourself the F*cking Lilies ★★★☆☆

    There’s always something to learn from others and their stories. If you meet me you’ll see that I ask too many questions. This curiosity led me to read more biographies and memoirs this year.

    “I Am a Girl from Africa” is about the life of a girl who beats all odds to achieve her dream of working for the United Nations and her struggles along the way.

    It’s unlike any book on Africa I’ve read, filled with stories from her life in Africa, peppered with beautiful African proverbs.

    “Greenlights” is a memoir by Matthew McConaughey. Although I was never a fan of his acting, I found him quite intelligent and his writing absolutely enchanting.

    This was not a memoir about how he achieved his success, It was more about how he stayed true to who he is, once he was inundated with roles after his success.

    You understand why the characters he plays are crude and real. You also get to read the story behind those famous three words!

    “The Choice” is written by a 90-year old holocaust survivor who is currently practicing as a therapist. This is my first book about the holocaust and the survival stories are heart-wrenching.

    The book takes you through how she helps her patients heal from their trauma while also coping with her struggles from the experience at the concentration camps.

    I highly recommend these 3 books.

    1. Bird by Bird ★★★☆☆
    2. On Writing Well ★★★★★

    I always enjoyed writing as a hobby, Recently I’ve taken an interest in honing the craft as I began working with the Documentation team at WordPress.

    “On Writing Well” is an excellent guidebook to improve writing non-fiction with practical tips and examples. You’ll learn how to eliminate clutter and simplify your work. This one is a required read if you do any kind of writing and maybe even multiple reads to solidify the principles. I highly recommend this book if you want to improve your writing skills.

    “Bird by Bird” is more a self-help book for writers. It debunks a lot of myths about writers’ lives. It is sprinkled with tips for writing fiction while also taking you through the author’s personal life.

    1. The Everything Store ★★★★★
    2. Essentialism ★★★★★

    I read fewer books on business and entrepreneurship this year.

    “The Everything Store” was a surprise read. I thought I will be fairly bored reading this one, but Brad’s simple narrative was captivating. It’s a good read to learn about the origins and inner workings of Amazon.

    “Essentialism” was the first book I read in 2021. After a year through the pandemic, I was ready for a fresh start. This book helped me discern what’s essential to accomplish and what’s best ignored. It will make a great re-read at the beginning of every year.

    1. The Untethered Soul ★★★★★
    2. Creative Visualization★★★☆☆
    3. O’s Little Guide to Finding Your True Purpose ★★★☆☆
    4. How to Be an Artist ★★☆☆☆
    5. I’d Rather Be Reading ★★★★☆

    My interest in self-help books and books on creativity seemed to be weaning down.

    Maybe I am at a point in life where I realize there is more to life than building a company, starting a creative business, or constantly improving oneself.

    Maybe it’s time to just live an ordinary life, enjoy the mundane and make this one life we have magical!

    You’re sitting on a planet spinning around in the middle of absolutely nowhere. Go ahead, take a look at reality. You’re floating in empty space in a universe that goes on forever. If you have to be here, at least be happy and enjoy the experience.

    -The untethered soul

    My goodreads annual report had some interesting stats:

    • 22 books read
    • 5,694 pages read
    • Average book length in 2021 : 258 pages
    • Shortest book: 144 pages (How to Be an Artist)
    • Longest book: 416 pages (The Phone Booth at the Edge of the World )
    • Most Popular book 1,319,396 people also shelved (Tuesdays with Morrie)
    • Least Popular 969 people also shelved (O’s Little Guide to Finding Your True Purpose )
    • Highest Rated on Goodreads : 4.58 average (The Choice: Embrace the Possible)

    Have you read any of these books? What did you think about them? How many books did you read in 2021? What are some books you can recommend me?

  • 14 writing tips that will make you a better writer

    14 writing tips that will make you a better writer

    I recently watched a video where Scott Adams, the creator of the comic strip, Dilbert, spoke about his tips to become a better writer.

    These tips apply to writing nonfiction such as blog posts and articles.

    Here are my takeaways from the video.

    1: Find the right topic.

    • Find a topic that makes you feel something, eg: makes you laugh or get you excited.
    • Find a topic that your audience finds familiar or understand.
    • Don’t write about something that only you would like.
    • Write for your audience NOT for yourself.
    • Imagine yourself writing for an invisible friend. It can be a real person in your life.

    2: First sentence should evoke curiosity.

    • Your first sentence is what helps your audience decide if they want to read the full article.
    • This is your chance to make a good first impression.
    • If you are up for it, make the first sentence provocative.

    3: Pace and lead the reader.

    • Match your audience and be like them in certain important aspects. This will make your audience comfortable with you.
    • Call out what your audience might be thinking and once you have their attention, give your solution.

    4: Use direct sentences.

    • The brain processes direct sentences faster and you don’t want your audience to get tired.
    • Of the format : The subject did something.
    • Eg: say “The boy hit the ball” instead of “The ball was hit by the boy”

    5: No jargons, adjectives, adverbs and cliches.

    • The reader subtracts all words that don’t mean anything to them. This includes adverbs, adjectives and jargons.
    • For eg: Tomorrow is very hot. When editing, if you leave out “very” and instead say “Tomorrow is hot”, its means the same to your reader. All they will remember after reading your article is that tomorrow will be hot.
    • His trick to avoid jargon, adjectives, and adverbs:

    When you are editing your article, imagine someone is offering you $100 for every word you take out that will keep the meaning the same.

    6: Brevity = brilliance.

    • Use fewer words to present the information.
    • People think you are brilliant when you speak in a simple language.

    7: Sixth-grade vocabulary.

    Avoid using big words. Keep the vocabulary simple.

    8: Get the musicality of the sentences right.

    • Certain words have hard sounds in them like K and T.
    • If you string together a sentence that has them in the wrong places. that would sound ugly.
    • Keep the hard sounds spaced out and in the right place.

    9: Avoid ugly words.

    • Such as moist talc.
    • This is more a matter of preference but where ever you have a choice, use the good words instead of words you think sound ugly.

    10: Consider associations.

    • Putting together two completely unrelated things together creates unpleasant images in the reader’s mind. You dont want your reader to make assumptions and judgments.
    • Eg: I like babies. I like automatic weapons. This creates an ugly picture in the reader’s mind between babies and automatic weapons.

    11: Visual language.

    • Use visual language where ever you can.
    • Our visual senses dominate every other sense. What we see overrides what we hear.
    • If you want to peruade the reader quickly, use visual cues.
    • His eg: instead of saying “Let’s beef up the border security by creating a solution for different parts of the territory” saying “lets build a wall”, creates a quick visual image in the readers mind.

    12: Violate a norm.

    • Make the reader a bit uncomfortable.
    • Dont try to please everyone in your writing.

    13: End on clever or provocative thought.

    Have a clear closing statement.

    14: Write everyday.

    This is the only way you will get better at it. Don’t wait to get inspired to write.

    Video: The Day You Became a Better Writer –Writing Tips from Dilbert Creator Scott Adams

  • Bird by bird

    Bird by bird

    Book Author: Anne Lamott

    My thoughts and what I learned:

    This book is the ultimate truth about writing and writers’ lives sprinkled with life lessons.

    This book has been on my reading list for a long time. I even got it from the library once along with a bunch of other books but had to return it without reading as there was a hold on the book.

    It made me realize that writing is hard. It is hard work. It is isolated work. It is persistence and showing up day in and day out, battling your demons and self doubts every second of the way, fighting with your insecurities and boredom and shitty drafts.

    I always thought writers are born with it. That they sit at their desk and the words come pouring out their fingers. And in one go they have it all out in the right order and with the right intensity. That when they sit down to write they know except what they are doing. Boy was I wrong!

    I now realize how hard it is to write a book and the writer’s life dealing with rejections from the editor after you have spent quite a bit of time writing and the number of revisions you have to go through. Getting rejected and feeling like shit and then wallowing in self-pity and anger for a while and then getting up and doing it all over again.  Only this time treating the plot differently and meticulously.  And finally getting it all right and getting it published to finally become a best-seller.

    That writing is not going to belt you financial security and your articles might never be published. Writing might not open doors for you. But write anyway.  Because it makes you come alive and makes you feel better.

    It was quite eye-opening to read about how the author dealt with rejections by giving space to the book with a little sunshine, and a little fresh air. How she rented a home in Petaluma to get over the grief and fear that overlapped her after the rejection from the editor. How she treated her plot by analyzing the manuscript, laying it all on the floor, and examining each section, reordering the sections and scenes. Scribbling in what she thought was missing and finally restacking all the pages in the new order and working on the next draft.

    This book made me wonder if I should have been a writer.  Because I did spend a lot of my childhood alone as an only child. According to the author young people who grew up like me often become writers or criminals. And although I love crime thrillers, I definitely don’t intend to be a criminal.

    There were so many instances where I could relate to the author. Like her, I always thought there was something noble and mysterious about writing. That there was something magical about people who can articulate their thoughts well and can get into others’ minds.

    There were a few sections that I skipped (plot, scenes, dialogues, character, etc) because it was about writing fiction books that I had no interest in.

    I scanned the last section too as it was primarily about finding help along the way if you are writing a book. But here are a few tips I picked up.

    • Find a writing group or create one.
    • Get someone to read the first draft.

    A few quotable quotes from the book that caught my attention:

    • Do it every day for a while. And make a commitment to finishing things.
    • Good writing Is about telling the truth.
    • Becoming a better writer will make you become a better reader.
    • If you sit long enough to write, something will happen.

    On getting started with writing:

    • Start with your childhood and write down all your memories as truthfully as you can.
    • Start with your kindergarten. Write every detail. What did you wear? Who were you jealous about. Your teachers. Classmates. Vacations. Families.  Big events. Holidays. How you dressed. How everyone else in the family dressed.  Write about the food your family ate. Write about the grownups. Your parents. Siblings. Neighbors.  Relatives.
    • Write short assignments. What you can see through a one-inch picture frame.
    • Everyone starts with a shitty first draft and that is how they get to the good second draft and terrific third draft.  Start by getting anything on paper.  In the next draft, you try to fix it up and say what you are wanting to say accurately.
    • Writing the first draft is like watching a Polaroid develop. You can’t know exactly what the picture is going to look like until it has finished developing.  You couldn’t have had any way of knowing what this piece of work would look like when you first started.
    • Write about your moral point of view. A moral position is a passionate caring inside you. Write about the things that are most important to you. A moral position begins inside the heart and grows from there.

    What writing really is:

    • Writing is learning to pay attention to and communicate what’s going on. Writing is seeing people suffer and finding meaning in it. Your job as a writer is to present clearly your viewpoint. Your job is to see people as they are. And for this, you have to know who you are in the most compassionate sense. You have to look at everything with respect and oneness.  You have to look at everything with awe and reverence
    • If you are a writer or want to be a writer this is how you spend your days-listening, observing, storing things away, and making your isolation pay off.
    • Dying people can teach us a lot. Often the attributes that define them drop away like the skills, the shape, the hair.  And it turns out that the packaging is really not what that person has been all along.  Without the package, another sort of beauty shines thru. This is how real life works and this is what good writing allows us to notice. You can see the underlying essence only when you strip away the busyness and surprising connections will appear.
    • To be a good writer you not only have to write a great deal but you have to care. A writer always tries to be a part of the solution to understand a little about life and to pass this on. They give great insights into what’s true and what helps.

    When you don’t know what to do, in your writing:

    • When you don’t know what to do with your writing, get quiet and listen to that still small voice inside of you.  It will tell you what to do.
    • You get your confidence and intuition back by trusting yourself by being militantly on your side. You get your intuition back when you make space for it. When you stop the chattering of the rational mind.
    • Intuition will be blown by too much compulsion and manic attention but will burn quietly when watched with gentle concentration. If you stop trying to control your mind you’ll have intuitive hunches.
    • Take the attitude that what you are thinking and feeling is valuable stuff.

    On writing in December:

    December is traditionally a bad month for writing. It’s a month of Monday’s. Monday’s are not good writing days. One has had all the freedom on the weekend. So never start a large writing project on any Monday in December.  Why set yourself up for failure?

    About perfectionism:

    Messes are an artist’s true friend. We need to make messes in order to find out who we are and why we are here and what we’re supposed to be writing.

    On radio station KFKD (imposter syndrome):

    The one that keeps rapping about self-loathing and all the mistakes you have done or will ever do. This station is on every single morning. So sit for a moment and say a small prayer – “Pls help me get out of the way”. Sometimes a ritual quiets the radio – like praying at an altar, sage smudging, candle lighting. Rituals are a good sign to your unconscious that it is time to kick in.

    On jealousy:

    Dying people teach you to pay attention and to forgive and not sweat on the small things. Jealousy is a secondary emotion. It is born out of feeling excluded and deprived.  It helps to heal your past.

    On having too many writers:

    Life is like a recycling center. Where all the concerns and dramas of humankind get recycled back and forth across the universe. But what you have to offer is your own sensibility, your own sense of humor, or insider pathos or meaning.

    From the last class:

    • Write about your childhood.
    • Write in a directly emotional way instead of being subtle.
    • Tell the truth as you understand it.
  • On writing well

    On writing well

    Book Author : William Zinsser

    I’ve always enjoyed writing as a hobby. Recently I’ve taken more interest in writing as I began working with the Documentation team at WordPress.

    This book is an excellent guide to understand the craft of good writing with practical tips and examples.

    It gives a better insight into how you can approach the writing process, what tone and mood to consider before you start to write and if the material leads to unexpected directions, to let it follow the course and make style adjustments to the work as needed.

    I learned that whether it be sports, science, business, corporate, it’s important to connect with the human in the reader and make your content relatable.

    I also learned about punctuations and how and when to use them or not.

    A few quotable quotes from the book that caught my attention:

    • The secret of good writing is to strip every sentence to its cleanest components.
    • Rewriting is the essence of writing.
    • Clear thinking becomes clear writing.
    • Examine every word you write.
    • Believe in your own identity and your own opinions. Sell yourself.
    • When you write, ask- what do I want to convey. After you’ve written, check- am I conveying what I intended to.
    • Write in the first person.
    • Write for yourself.
    • Add specific details.
    • Write for an audience of one.
    • Consider the sound and rhythm of the words. Eg. serene and tranquil.
    • Read what you write aloud before publishing.
    • Alter the length of your sentences.
    • Unity is the anchor of good writing. Unity in pronouns. Unity in the tense.  Unity in the tone and mood.
    • Decide what single point you want to leave in the reader’s mind.
    • Look for ways to convey your information in narrative ways.
    • When you read add brackets to words that are superfluous.
    • Conduct interviews. Nonfiction writing becomes more alive in proportion to the number of quotes you can weave into them.
    • Always pepper in the human element to the story.
    • If you write for yourself, you’ll reach the people you want to write for.
    • Make sure every component in your memoir is doing useful work.
    • Writing is thinking on paper.
    • A simple style of writing is the result of hard work and hard thinking.
    • Be yourself when you write.
    • Humor is the best tool for making an important point. It is a secret weapon for nonfiction writers.
    • Don’t alter your voice to fit your subject. Develop one voice the readers will recognize when they hear it on the page.
    • One way to generate confidence in writing is to write about subjects that interest you and you care about.  Write about people you respect. Writers have to jump-start themselves at the moment of performance no less than actors and musicians and painters.  Push the boundaries of the subject. Bring some part of your own life to it.

    Some writing rules to keep in mind:

    • Avoid active verbs which need an appended preposition. Eg: the president stepped down. Instead say: The president resigned.
    • Use precise verbs.
    • Avoid adverbs.
    • Remove prepositions added to verbs, adverbs added to verbs.
    • Remove adjective that states the obvious. Eg: the radio blared loudly.
    • Avoid adjectives. If using make sure they convey important meaning.
    • Prune out the little qualifiers like a lot. Sort of. Rather. Quite. Very. Too. A little. Kind of. In a sense. Dozens more. It’s like you are hedging your prose with timidities. Be bold and confident.
    • Make short sentences.
    • Don’t use exclamation points unless you want to achieve a certain effect.
    • Dash is used when you want to amplify or justify the second part of the sentence what you said in the first part.
    • Colon is used when you want to have a brief pause and then begin an itemized list. Eg: the items she needed were on the list: potatoes, bananas, apples.
    • When you shift the mood of the sentences, use the mood changers – but, nevertheless, yet, however,  still, instead, meanwhile, therefore, now, later, today.
    • Use contractions to make the writing less stiff and robotic.
    • Use “That” unless it makes your writing ambiguous. Eg: the shoes that are in the closet.  The shoes, which are in the closet ( needs a comma before which ).
    • Instead of nouns that express a concept, use verbs that tell what somebody did. Eg. The common reaction is incredulous laughter. =>Most people laughed in disbelief.
    • Keep paragraphs short. Each paragraph should have its own integrity of content and structure.
    • On sexism– Don’t use constructions that can mean only men can be a certain role such as farmer, sailor, cop, firefighter. Instead of occupations having a male and feminine form make them gender-neutral. Eg: Instead of actors and actresses, say, performers.
    • Don’t use plural nouns because they weaken the writing because they are less specific. So writer or reader instead of writers or readers.
    • General nouns instead of specific nouns. Eg: Families instead of wives and children.

    On writing:

    • The most important sentence in an article is the first sentence.
    • The last sentence of each paragraph is the springboard to the next paragraph
    • The lead grabs the reader with a provocative idea. Continue with each para to hold the reader.
    • As you write keep asking the question – what do my readers want to know next. And write para after para based on that. Let the paragraphs flow from one to the next so the readers won’t skim the story.  Remember that you are taking the reader on your trip with the story.

    On interviewing people for nonfiction:

    1. Take a pen and paper.
    2. Do homework on the person before going.
    3. Make a list of possible questions.

    On writing about a place:

    1. What made this place different from what everyone else said.
    2. What can you tell that’s not been said before.
    3. What can you tell that the reader doesn’t know already.

    On science and technology writing:

    1. Use your own experience to connect the reader to some mechanism that also touches his life.
    2. Weave a scientific story around someone else.
    3. Help readers understand unfamiliar facts by relating to sights they are familiar with.
    4. Reduce the abstract principle to an image they can visualize.
    5. Write like a person, not a scientist.
    6. Readers identify with people not abstractions like profitability.
    7. Use short words that paints a vivid picture of everyday life.
    8. Use active verbs. Don’t use concept nouns.
    9. Take the coldness out of a technical process by relating to an experience we are all familiar with.

    On interviewing someone for an article:

    Remember you are a generalist trying to make his work public. He is the expert in his field.  You prod him to clarify statements that are so obvious to him that he assumes they are obvious to everyone else. Don’t be afraid to ask dumb questions.  If the expert thinks you are dumb that’s his problem.

    Some questions to dig deep- why not? What else?

  • The choice

    The choice

    Book Author: Edit Edgar

    My thoughts and what I learned:

    This book is her memoir and is made of three parts- one part about her trauma, one part about how her body reacts to the trauma. And lastly how she deals with her patients and through them understands her own emotions and heals herself on the path to helping her patients.

    I read this book when we were going through the 2020 Pandemic. I could very well relate the time we are living in, to the time the author was living in. The Olympics were canceled in 1944 due to the war, just like the Japan Olympics was canceled due to the pandemic. The Jewish kids taking classes on the radio to avoid bullying and harassment in school, just like our kids were taking their classes on Zoom.

    Even when Edith’s family heard the Hungarian nazis were rounding up Nazi men for the labor camps, Edith felt her father will be ok.”

    Don’t we all do that? As we go through the second wave of the pandemic and talk about an impending third wave of the delta variant, we think we are safe and others will be affected. We make ourselves invisible to the harm. We plan trips like this is not going to affect us at all. Like it happens to others.

    I got chills reading about how the family was awaked in the middle of the night and forced to pack up and leave their home, how terrifying it must be to have soldiers with guns shouting at you and stomping their boots hard and kicking your family to the floor. I also found it horrifying how her mom was gassed, her last minutes before she died, and what her one choice led to that.

    Holocaust is a result of hate- one man’s hate for the Jews. After all these years, are we over with this hate? With George Floyd and the capital riots, are we still any further from this? In spite of all the advances that have happened since the Holocaust, are we still living in a sea of new hate?

    It caught my attention that even back then, America was the hardest country to get in. I suddenly felt very proud to be here and for all the sacrifices my parents made to send me here.

    I learned that sometimes kindness exists even in the midst of all the turmoil, like the kindness shown by a stranger who mails the letter dropped by Edith’s mom on the street, to her sister in Budapest.

    Quotes from the book that caught my attention:

    • People don’t come to me. They are sent to me.
    • Sometimes our pain pushes us. Sometimes our hope pulls us.
    • The little upsets in our life are emblematic of the larger losses. The insignificant worries are representative of greater pain.
    • We make the world safe in our minds.
    • Our relationship is like a bridge we can cross from the present worries to future joys.
    • No one can take away from you what you’ve put in your mind.
    • We have a choice – to pay attention to what we have lost or to pay attention to what we have left. The choice to be lost in the darkness, to become the darkness. Or not.
    • We can choose what sorrow teaches us. To be bitter or to hold on to the childlike part of us the lively and curious part the part that is innocent.
    • Home isn’t a place anymore. It’s a feeling.
    • Don’t spoil your spirit. Set the strings vibrating with your needs.
    • When you can’t go in through the door, go in through the window.
    • Move like a person who has a plan.
    • To be passive is to let others decide for you.  To be aggressive is to decide for others. To be assertive is to decide for yourself. And to trust that there is enough. That you really are enough.
    • Maybe moving forward meant circling back.
    • Would it be about replaying the horrors they are seeing or savoring being alive? Would it be fear and pity and agony or figuring out the mystery of her body’s anatomy and that of a man? Of thinking of GOD and the life of Eric and the future that will be living together.
    • Always use your beautiful things. You never know when they will be gone.
    • Food is love.
    • We can’t choose to vanish the dark. But we can choose to kindle the light.
    • Our beliefs determine our feeling. Which in turn influences our behavior. To change our behavior we must change our feelings and to change our feelings we must change our thoughts.
    • We won’t always get what we want. That’s part of being human. The problem is when we attach the failures to our self-worth.
    • To be free is to live in the present.
    • The only place we can exercise our freedom of choice is in the present.
    • Love comes out as the answer in the end.
    • Only I can do what I can do the way I can do it.
    • You have to face what’s inside of you.
    • If I am really going to improve my life. It is me that has to change.
    • Face daily life with a sense of discovery.
    • Enrich the present.
    • Let the past be a springboard that helps you reach the life you want now.
    • Feelings aren’t fatal.  Suppressing the feelings only makes it harder to let them go. Expression is the opposite of depression.
    • When you have something to prove you are not free.
    • When we grieve we don’t just grieve for what happened.  We grieve for what didn’t happen.
    • Anger is never the most important emotion.  It’s always the very outer edge, the exposed top layer of a much deeper feeling. The real feeling that’s disguised as the mask of anger is usually fear. You can’t feel alive and fearful at the same time.
    • We can’t erase the pain. But we are free to accept who we are and move on.
    • We are a bridge between all that is and all that will be.
    • We can’t hang under someone else’s umbrella and complain that we are getting wet.
    • Being a victim is when you keep the focus outside yourself, when you look outside yourself for someone to blame for your present circumstances.
    • We are always in the process of becoming.
    • Stress is the body’s response to the demand for change. Our automatic response is to fight or flee. A third option is to flow.
    • By the time I get my degrees, I will be fifty. You will be fifty anyway.

    On uncertainty:

    • Every moment has a chance to be so much worse.
    • The uncertainty makes the moments stretch.
    • What if the unknown can make us curious instead of gut us with fear.
    • “Magda traded her thick warm winter coat for a flimsy one showing off plenty of her chest. She was choosing a better survival tool because feeling sexy gave her something more valuable than staying warm to live.”  What’s your survival tool during uncertainty?

    About surviving:

    • Survivors don’t ask “why me”, or “why did I live”.
    • Survivors ask “what now”.
    • Why now. What is today different from yesterday or tomorrow?
    • What is mine to do with the life I’ve been given?
    • To survive is to transcend your own needs and commit yourself to someone or something outside yourself. To survive we conjure an inner world, a haven even when we are awake. This awareness became a refuge that preserved a will to live.
    • Survival is a matter of interdependence. Survival isn’t possible alone.

    The healing process:

    1. Notice the feeling – Sad, mad, glad, scared.
    2. Accept that these feelings are my own.
    3. Check body’s response.
    4. Stay with the feeling until it passed.
    5. Response nor react.
    6. Vent like a teapot not like a pressure cooker.

    Some questions to ponder:

    1. What makes a person do one thing and not the other?
    2. What else were we unconsciously teaching our children about safety, values, and love?
    3. What feeling or belief am I holding on to?  Am I willing to let it go?
    4. If I die tomorrow will I die in peace?
    5. Within my own darkness had I found light?
    6. What do I want?
    7. What legacy do I want to pass on to my son? What will I leave in the world when I am gone?
    8. What do you want? Who wants it? What are you going to do about it?
    9. When are you taking action?
    10. Why am I doing now? Is it working?  Is it bringing me closer to my goals?
    11. How can I support you as you navigate this situation?
    12. Are you wearing a mask and pretending to be an American? Who are you at the core?
    13. What did life expect from you?
  • The everything store

    The everything store

    Book Author: Brad Stone

    My thoughts and what I learned:

    • When I picked up this book, I expected a lot of business jargon and wasn’t quite sure I will get through the 350 pages. Brad narrated the stories in simple easy to read English. It was quite fascinating to read about the brainchild behind Amazon, the company to be one of the firsts to see the boundless promise of the internet and change the way we shop and read, while also vacuuming out several traditional brick and mortar businesses.
    • A lot of the online comforts we take for granted, we owe to Amazon and the future thinking of Jeff Bezos: Affiliate Marketing, Amazon Prime, AWS, 1 Click order, Kindle, Personalized recommendations based on algorithms.
    • I really had chills reading about how the company operated and what happens in the board meetings with Bezos, his rigorous standards, the way he micromanages and reacts harshly to efforts with very little praise. How they raised the bar in the industries, catering to the customers and ruthlessly competing with rivals, destroying big brands like Circuit City, Borders, Barnes And Nobles, and Best Buy.
    • Jeff initially thought of Relentless.com as the company name. (In fact, even now that domain gets redirected to Amazon’s home page!) Bezos looked through the dictionary starting at A and going through every word until he lit up when he came to Amazon. To him, Amazon meant the Earth’s largest bookstore.
    • The two key takeaways from Amazon about running a business are being customer focussed (or rather customer obsessed) and having long-term thinking.
    • Amazon started many projects -Pets.com, Gear.com, Wineshoppers.com Greenlight.com. All of these went down in flames during the dot.com bubble in 2000. They had a ton of failures with only a few big wins. But they never take defeat personally and consider mistakes as the first step in a series of important experiments.
    • Netscape went public the same year as Amazon with a stock price of $28 per share!
    • How Bezos was never deterred by short-term setbacks and always focussed on the long game. Instead of fighting to compete with Apple and iTunes, Bezos used the lessons from Apple and iTunes and applied them to something he was passionate about – books.
    • Instead of freaking out on what Apple has done to the lagging Amazon music business, Bezos decided to focus its efforts on getting ahead in the digital space for books and thrive as a bookseller in the digital age.
    • My favorite chapter was about Fiona, the code name for the e-reader they build called Kindle. Although I was never a fan of eBooks and always loved physical books, I loved reading about the thought and attention that went into creating the Kindle. About the designers studying the actual physics of reading-the physical aspects of the pastime, how readers turn the pages and hold books in their hand. and all the subconscious qualities that made it feel like you are reading a book. Bezos’s top objective was that the kindle had to get out of the way and disappear so they can enter the author’s world.

    Quotes from the book:

    • We don’t make money when we sell things. We make money when we help customers make a decision.
    • Have a backbone. Disagree and Commit. Leaders do not compromise for the sake of social cohesion. Once a decision is made they commit wholly.

    Some fun stories:

    • Rufus-a Welsh Corgi who belonged to one of the first employees and was the first canine staffer. The company had to write Rufus in the lease when they moved office in the summer of 1996. It became the (then) startup’s first mascot. His paw tap on the keyboard was required to launch any new features and even now there is a building named after him.
    • Christopher Smith-the 23-year-old warehouse temp who was hired in the holiday season and worked for 8 months straight biking to office and back and whose car was towed after being covered with several parking tickets. The car was later auctioned.
    • A temp employee who clocked in and out at the right time of his shift but not logged in any actual work and made a makeshift bed and created a cozy den in the fulfillment center, furnishing it with items from the Amazon shelves.
    • When I read about the famous laugh of Jeff Bezo – a mystery that has never been solved, I had to google up to find out what the hell he was talking about and found a video of his. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lZ_DyimkS54
    • I was quite surprised to read about Ted Jorgensen (Bezos’s biological dad) and how he never knew that his son is the world’s richest man until the author of the book paid him a visit to his bike store in Phoenix.
    • Amazon has dog biscuits in a bowl at the reception desk for employees who bring their dogs to the office which I thought was a strange perk in the company that made people pay for their parking.

    About Amazon Prime:

    How the company went from offering fast track shipping of the order to creating the speedy shipping club later named the Prime, deciding on the price for the club to $79 per year because it needed to be large enough to matter to consumers but small enough that they are willing to try.

    It really was about changing people’s minds so they stopped shopping elsewhere.

    Creating Prime was an act of faith with no concrete idea on how the program could affect the orders, going with his gut and experience. When friction was removed, customers spent more, motivating them to place bigger orders and shop in new categories.

    Although Prime was not an instant success, it has now turned customers into Amazon addicts and sowed the seeds for instant gratification.

    About the company working:

    Some cool features started at Amazon:

    • “Look Inside The Book” feature – an effort to match the experience of a physical bookstore by giving the customer a peek and letting them read the first few pages of the book.
    • Search Inside the Book feature, shipping the books to a contractor in the Philippines to be scanned. Writing software to convert the images into text that the search algorithm at Amazon can search and index.
    • Reinventing the Yellow pages with a project called the Block view that matched the street photos of stores and restaurants with their search listings in their new A search named A9 in an effort to compete with Google search. This was 2 years before Google announced Street View in their G Maps. Eventually it turned out to be a failure and was shut down.
    • Creating APIs so third parties can harvest data about its prices, products, and sales, and let other websites publish from the Amazon catalog and use the Amazon shopping cart and payment system. Have their first dev conference and invite outsiders who were trying to hack the Amazon systems. This later developed into the popular AWS providing the infrastructure for doing business online for big companies like Netflix, Pinterest and IG, and even small businesses.
  • Camping in the woods

    Camping in the woods

    Our family has not been into camping ever since our first camping trip some 15 years back. It didn’t end very well when our then-toddler screeched in the middle of the night and we left the campsite right away. Ever since we’ve passed every chance to go camping but decided to give another go for a one-night camping trip to Mt Diablo which is about an hour and a half drive from our home.

    They say life’s better when you add fresh air, warm campfire, a starlit night sky and I couldn’t agree more. Camping is not a vacation but it surely makes good memories. With the cold air, dark night, the eerie raccoons that popped from the bushes to grab the leftovers, not to mention chilling out with friends around the campfire into the wee hours of the night. Camping lets you realize how little you need in life and its a great way to break out of the normal routines especially if your day involves a lot of tech. Because there was no wifi, kids (and adults) played real games like card games and seemed to have conversations with no distractions. So even though our family has warmed up to the idea of one-night camping trips, it was great to come back to the comfort of home sweet home.

    What’s the best part of camping you love?

  • The life of a rose

    The life of a rose

    Our backyard and front yard are filled with rose bushes planted by our previous homeowner. It was like the universe was prepping the home for us because the rose is my all-time favorite flower and I always dreamt of having a yard full of roses. When I got back from a 2 week trip to India, our rose bushes were in full bloom and it was quite a feast for the eyes and the nose. It struck me that there was a rose in every stage of its bloom journey starting from a bud to a withered flower. Here are a few snaps from my garden.

    What do you see when you walk around your backyard?

  • The sweet spot in Kerala

    The sweet spot in Kerala

    On our last trip to Kerala, India, my hubby took me to a popular street in his home town, Kozhikode named Sweet Meat Street also called as S.M. Street which is the literal translation of the Malayalam name Mittai Theruvu. The street derives its name from the time it was lined with sweetmeat and halvah stalls. Now, you’ll find the streets lined with stores that sell sweets to spices, clothes to electronics, or handlooms, textiles, and jewelry. It is reputedly the busiest street in the town. Since we visited during the festival season of Onam/Eid the street was exceptionally packed. There was also some major renovation work going on and that added to the noise and din.

    Are there any popular streets in your home town where you take your visitors for a stroll?

  • Life in the mexican beach towns

    Life in the mexican beach towns

    When we took the 7-day Norweigian Cruise along the Pacific coast, we had three one day stopovers in three different Mexican beach towns – Puerto Vallarta, Mazatlan, and Cabos. In Los Cabos, we took a boat ride to see the iconic rock formations. Of all the three, my favorite was Mazatlan for its old-world charm, golden beach, and the delicious seafood. We found a Mexican restaurant with a deck/patio facing the beach. It was so relaxing to devour the Shrimp and other seafood delicacies while enjoying the ocean view and watch the locals and tourists bargaining.

    What’s your favorite part of beach towns?

  • The delights inside a cruise ship

    The delights inside a cruise ship

    In December, my family and I went on a cruise around the coast of Mexico for 7 days, with a few of our close friends. We embarked from the LA port in a luxurious Norweigian Jewel Cruiseliner. For the next 7 days, we were in the waters of the Pacific Ocean with day stopovers in three Mexican towns – Puerto Vallarta, Mazatlan, and Cabos. If you’ve been on a cruise before, you know there is never a shortage of food. What amazed me more than the sumptuous food was the incredible fruit and vegetable art and how meticulously everything was laid out in the restaurants.


    Have you been on a cruise ship? What was your favorite part?