A letter to my son on his 21st birthday
My son turned 21 this month. He’s officially an adult now.
I can hardly believe it’s been 21 years since I first held my baby. After a year of bed rest and a complicated pregnancy, my hubby and I were eagerly awaiting the day we would finally meet our little one and know that he was a healthy baby boy.
I remember my hubby telling me how he counted our newborn’s tiny fingers and toes, making sure everything was just right.
The grandparents, who had been eagerly waiting to meet their first grandchild, were overjoyed to catch a glimpse of him before the nurses took him for the routine tests.
When we first heard his cry, it was such a relief—especially after those few tense moments when the doctor was trying to get him to cry, and he took his time. Everyone panicked for a bit, but once he let out that big scream, the whole room erupted in laughter and applause.
Every year around his birthday, I find myself looking back to that special day. But this year, I felt more emotional than usual. It felt different—he’s an adult now, ready to embark on his own journey.

As a mom, I only wish the best for him. I hope the world is kind to him, and I want to shield him from heartbreak and pain.
But I know I can’t. Not anymore.
He has to navigate life on his own, learn from mistakes and failures, and keep moving forward.
Our birthday celebrations have always revolved around food, often featuring a meal at a grand restaurant. Since this was a significant milestone, we decided to splurge on a newly opened Michelin-starred restaurant in the Bay Area, which promised to be “a love letter to the cuisine of our home state in India”. What better way to weave our traditions into our celebration in our hometown?
But I also wanted to do more, something beyond our usual celebrations. Then, out of the blue, I had the idea to write a letter—a collection of thoughts for this milestone, something he can refer to as he steps into the next years and chapters of his life.
So here it goes…
Being a mom has been the hardest job I’ve ever done. It hasn’t been easy—at times, it’s been downright ugly, and oh boy, you’ve pushed me to my limits where I felt like handing in my resignation!
But I’m so proud of the person you’ve become. I see so much of myself in you, and I also see a lot of your dad in you.
You are my greatest achievement to date – The one project I’ve done consistently for two decades!
For 21 years, I’ve watched you grow—from a shy, quiet baby to a loving goofball with a quirky sense of humor. Now, on your 21st birthday, there are things I want you to know.
The valuable life lessons I’ve learned over 25 years of my adulthood, from my mistakes and the many ups and downs in my life and career.
I hope that by sharing them with you, I can make your journey a bit simpler and provide you with tools to navigate your life more effectively than I did.

Don’t spend your life trying to please everyone else. Live a life that’s true to what you want, and don’t worry about disappointing others. The first person you should never disappoint is yourself.
Don’t stress about what others think—people are too focused on their own lives to dwell on yours.
Everyone is dealing with their own anxieties and worries, so just focus on what brings you joy.
Don’t expect the other person to read your mind. Speak up when you don’t agree with something—in a nice way, of course. Always communicate your needs verbally. Growing up as an only child, like me, you might find it hard to speak up at times. But it’s important to stand up for yourself and express your needs. Do it gently, and with a smile. Even when you don’t agree with someone voice your opinion in a kind way.
Raising your voice won’t get your point across, and keeping things to yourself will only make matters worse in the future.
It’s a common challenge for us, single kids, but addressing it will help in the long run.
Don’t shy away from doing hard tasks. There’s a reward at the end when you put in the effort—whether it’s working on a challenging project, planning a memorable trip, or taking on an intense hike. The skills you gain, the confidence you build, and the memories you make are invaluable.
Remember, there are no shortcuts in life.
Social media might make things look easy and glamorous, but every venture involves hard work. Anyone who has achieved something, big or small, has put in tremendous efforts behind the scenes, that they are not talking about openly. Every job has its challenges, so embrace the hard work and give it your all.
Even if the outcome isn’t as expected, you’ll have the satisfaction of knowing you did your best.
Trust your intuition and make decisions from the heart. Your instincts and intuition will never lead you astray. If something doesn’t feel right, there’s usually a reason, even if you don’t understand it right away.
Nature and walks are a great way to take a pause when your mind needs a break from technology. Get out in nature, even if it’s just a walk around the block. There’s something about being outdoors that resets you. Don’t stay cooped up at home, playing video games, or working on the computer all day.
Having good friends makes all the difference in the world. Spend time with them and make an effort to plan activities together. Meet people in real life rather than just online. Instead of staying home and playing video games, make the extra effort to get dressed and go out—you never know who you might meet and what it could lead to, in the future.
Remember, don’t feel obligated to spend time with people whose company you don’t enjoy.
Choose your friends wisely and stay away from those who bring negativity or make you feel bad about yourself.
Learn to set clear boundaries and find a close-knit group of people you can rely on, even if it’s just one or two or five.
As long as we’re around, we’ll be there to drop everything and support you. When we’re not, make sure you have your own small circle of trusted friends who you can count on any time of day or night.
Take lots of pictures! I know you don’t like being in photos, but when you’re older, the memories you have with your family and friends will mostly be in those photographs. You’ll want something to look back on and share with your kids someday. You might cringe in the moment, but later on, those moments will be gone, and the photos will be your only reminder of the experiences you had.
Work out and exercise regularly—whether it’s running, playing basketball, or whatever else works for you. Do it consistently, not just to build muscles and biceps, but also for your mental health. Computer Science is a tough job, and keeping your mind clear will help you perform better.
Listen to your body—take care of your posture, and make sure you get enough rest and sleep.
Looks matter. Dress well. If nothing else, dressing well will boost your confidence. Even if you’re just going grocery shopping, put yourself together—your clothes don’t need to be expensive, just clean and presentable.
Use deodorant, maybe even some perfume.
Wear your good shoes and shirts; don’t save them for a “better” occasion. Let them get dirty and messy, but make sure you use them.
And don’t forget to moisturize—dry skin is a major turn-off and looks hideous.
Travel as much as you can and step out of your comfort zone. Experiencing different cultures and life in various parts of the world will broaden your perspective. It might also help you appreciate what you have and where you live, a little more.
When things don’t go your way, stay calm. Instead of complaining and dwelling on the problem, focus on finding a solution. Think about how you can address the issue, in the best way possible at that moment.
Don’t stress about the little things—like a stain on your T-shirt or a mark on the back seat of the car. Little messes are okay, so let them go. Always keep the big picture in mind:
Will this matter in 5 days, 5 months, or 5 years?
Most of the time, the answer is no. So don’t worry about the little things you can’t control. Focus on what you can do and what you can control in the matter.
Treat everyone with kindness. Treat them the way you’d want to be treated —whether they’re the waiter or the president. Be patient with elders. Because one day you’ll be in their shoes. It might not seem like it now, but time flies, and you’ll be older before you know it.
Treat women with respect, regardless of your relationship with them.
Spend money on things that truly matter and will improve your life. Save the rest. You don’t need 10 pairs of shoes or 20 watches—just a few good ones. Invest in things that save you time or make your life easier and better.
Keep your home clean and organized. It should be a place you love to return to, not just a dumping ground for your things. Take out the trash, and always make your bed, first thing in the morning.
Never drink and drive. And never get into a car with a driver who’s been drinking. Always take an Uber or a cab—saving money isn’t worth risking your life.
Don’t rush to reach the next milestone. Enjoy where you are right now. When you’re 20, you might think your 30s will be amazing; when you’re 30, you might look forward to your 40s. And before you know it, you’re 50, wishing you had savored the moments along the way. So, embrace every stage of life and live in the present.
Learn to cook simple meals. Make healthy eating a priority. It’s okay to indulge occasionally. And remember to drink plenty of water.
Do what you say you will do. Don’t cancel plans with someone unless it is absolutely unavoidable. When you cancel plans at the last minute especially because you are too lazy to get out, you send the message that the other person’s plans aren’t important.
Respect others’ time as much as your own.
Be satisfied with what you have. There will always be someone with more, but there are also people with less. Social media can distort reality, so stay grounded. You are a content boy with little needs; Don’t let the world change you.
Practice spirituality. You might not fully understand this until you’re in your 40s or 50s, but having a spiritual guide can help you worry less and surrender your fears and anxieties to a higher power. It can make your life a bit easier as you grow older.
Don’t let life make you too serious. You’re a goofball, and I love that about you. Stay that way. Laugh more, smile often—you have the most beautiful smile. That and those curls make you look so handsome!
Be honest with yourself and others. It’s much easier to tell the truth than to cover it up.
Journal. It’s a great way to release your emotions and gain clarity on what you want and what’s bothering you. It also helps you understand yourself better, whether you choose to journal in a Google Doc or a physical journal.
I know it’s a lot to take in all at once from this list. Come back to this letter whenever you find yourself at a crossroads or in need of answers.
Read it when you’re worried or confused. Somewhere between these words, you’ll find the guidance you’re looking for.
I aimed to make this a list of 25, but I’m one short! As you continue to grow, I might add to it, sharing more as I learn and grow alongside you.
Love,
Umma
XO

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