50 shades of love

Love over the years, from a hopeless romantic.

They say February is the month of romance when love is in the air.

Walking around the grocery store, I can’t help but notice how love is everywhere—packaged, knotted, and waiting to be picked up.

Heart-shaped balloons swaying gently near the checkout lines.
Roses, bundled in crinkled cellophane, tugging at their ribbons.
Chocolate boxes tied neatly with a satin bow, overflowing the shelves.
Rows of pastel candy hearts spilling across bakery displays.

Red and pink flood every aisle.

Driving through my neighborhood, I notice temporary pop-up stalls lining the streets.

Pink fluffy bears stacked on tables, greeting cards waiting to be snatched up by heart-struck teenagers, andshiny trinkets made to win over a special someone’s heart.

Love is in every nook and corner, with gentle (or not-so-gentle) reminders to celebrate with anything wrapped in red, pink, and gold.

Whether you’re newly married, celebrating a decade together, or still courting the love of your life, this question pops up in every circle: Are you doing anything special for Valentine’s Day? Do you give each other gifts?

As Valentine’s Day approached, I find myself reflecting on love (and gifting)—what it once meant to me and how it has quietly evolved over time.

A quick trip to Target on Valentine’s Day gave me a chuckle- when I saw partners frantically sifting through card racks, grabbing heart-shaped treats, a hurried attempt to impress (or make up for forgetting, maybe?).

I’ve always been a hopeless romantic at heart.

Growing up in an all-girls Catholic convent school with no siblings, my only window into the world of boys was through the Bollywood movies and shows I watched. I was (and still am) a die-hard fan of rom-coms.

My ideas of love were shaped by the “chocolate” heroes in Hindi films—somewhat dreamy, but full of charm!

When Aashiqui 1, the (Hindi) romantic musical drama from 1990, was released, I was a teenager.

When I read the movie poster that said, ‘Love makes life live,’ I painted a picture of a couple so deeply in love that every moment, every second of their lives was filled with passion, forever and always.

I was that girl who fell in love with every handsome boy I laid eyes on (in my mind), weaving an imaginary love story (again, in my mind) where we’d live happily ever after—only to move on to the next one (in my mind, of course!).

Back then, I thought…

Love was that first meeting that sparks something magical, when the clouds part, making you fall head over heels and lose sleep over it.
Love was singing in the Alps, draped in a sheer saree with the hero of your life (read as SRK).
Love was showering you with flower petals from a helicopter.
Love was gazing into each other’s eyes while sipping fruit juice in a cozy cafe.
Love was dancing in the rain in a saree while he serenaded you (though I didn’t wear a saree until my engagement!).
Love was goofing around on the streets of Europe, just to make his angry girlfriend laugh and make up.
Love was throwing you a grand birthday party and flying you to some exotic destination for a shopping spree.
Love was showering you with gifts, chocolates, and a giant teddy bear on Valentine’s Day.

And then I got married.

He was handsome, fair, and everything I had dreamed about—just like the movie heroes I grew up watching.

We were two lovebirds—one waiting for grand SRK gestures, the other with no clue how this whole romance thing worked!

Love became…

Tagging along with him, with her favorite Danielle Steel novel while he sat debugging in the lab.
An impromptu trip to another city just to accompany him for work—and renting a big SUV for the first time.
Indulging her endless travel appetite, even when all he wanted was to focus on work.
Spending the entire vacation with his family, even when she longed to go sightseeing around Kerala.
Feeling upset when he didn’t live up to the grand romantic standards set by Bollywood movies.

Love was him trying to be SRK—sneaking a vase of flowers into the bedroom while she slept, only to jolt her awake in the middle of the night when the whole thing toppled over.
It was teasing her about her cooking again and again and again.
It was learning to take his sarcastic jokes in stride, most of the time.
It was slamming the door so hard because she couldn’t take it anymore.

Love was also…

Holding her hand and letting her cry her heart out when they lost two babies.
Caring for her for nine months while she was on bed rest during their difficult pregnancy.

As the years went by, love morphed into many things…

Love became telling each other all their secrets—his and hers.
Love became being completely yourself, letting the other person see the bad and the ugly, and knowing they would still stay. And still love you.
Love is trusting.

It shifted from grand gestures to the smallest acts of love…

It’s arranging a small surprise milestone birthday for him, even when he insisted on no celebrations—inviting only the people he’s most comfortable with.
It’s in the bibimbap he picks up from the cafeteria and lugs home.
It’s changing the sheets because he loves the feeling of fresh linens.
It’s taking the time to pick her up from the airport despite a packed schedule.
It’s planning an elaborate milestone party and surprising her, even while juggling work and travel.
It’s watching a rom-com with him, even when he annoys her with his constant commentary about all the clichés.
It’s showing up for her music events, and taking videos, even when he is not comfortable being in front of the audience.
It’s making his favorite fish biryani, even when cooking chicken biriyani would be easier.
It’s cleaning up the home so he can take a break and truly relax.
It’s letting things slide because she knows he’s already dealing with too much drama and stress at work.
It’s saving the Lotus Biscoff from his flights so she can enjoy it with her chai at home.

Love is sometimes in the not so little things too..

Love is getting her 50 orange roses for her 50th.
Love is playing her favorite SRK song as the backdrop at the party.
Love is running around to find the perfect SRK cutout, enhanced with AI to print well —and making sure it’s only from DDLJ because he knows it’s her favorite.
Love is stepping onto the dance floor for the first time—ever—just for her, to her favorite SRK song.
Love is sitting through Pathaan and Jawan because she’s a die-hard SRK fan.

And also…

It’s being okay with the small corner of the home he can make a mess of.
It’s letting him turn that one corner into utter chaos, even when she’s a neat freak.
It’s watering the vegetable garden in the backyard despite having no interest in outdoor gardening.
It’s putting up with the 20 (and counting) Peperomia plants he brings home from Home Depot, even as she tries to stay a minimalist.
It’s being okay when she declutters the home and tosses out his torn sweaters that he would never part with otherwise.
It’s dropping her off to the restaurant because she can’t do curbside parking.

Love is letting her cry on your shoulder when your son leaves home.
Love is also laughing at her when she cries—every single time—when their son leaves for college.
Love is screaming, fighting, and clashing over parenting styles—yet always finding your way back to each other.

Love is loving your partner but …

Love is also making that special meal for your son, even when you have a million things going on.
Love is staying quiet when your dad gives you a hard time about your job search, because you know it comes from a place of love.
Love is picking out the perfect Swarovski earrings for your mom, and wandering through stores with your neighbor to find the right one.
It’s holding back painful news until mom’s home, so she doesn’t panic about you being alone.
It’s braving the freeway for the first time just to take your son to meet a friend’s fur baby—and stopping for his favorite Potbelly sandwich on the way, because memories matter.

Love is guiding your mom to the bathroom at night after her surgery.
Love is asking your child if she’s eaten, even while she’s going through a life-threatening surgery and her head is wrapped in bandages.
Love is calling your dad every single day and asking the same five questions, just to hear his voice.
Love is listening to his old stories, while you’re starting your workday.
Love is waiting for your 50-year-old child to call you, and being okay with being interrupted from your sleep.

Love is crying through the entire flight from Calicut to Doha, because you’re leaving your dad by himself yet again.
Love is feeling your heart race as you land amidst the lush greenery of Calicut, knowing Papa is waiting at the door, just like always.

Love is not just about traveling the world and posting perfect family pictures on social media.
Love is in the goofy moments, the pictures where everyone’s acting up, the ones you hold dear to your heart—the ones that never make it to your social channels.

Love is packaged as a teddy bear or as grief…

Love is the anger you feel at the person who shaved off your wife’s hair before her surgery.
Love is driving an hour every day for her surgery, just so she can stay comfortably at her beloved cousin’s place.
Love is missing your mom so deeply every single day, even after 15 years since she passed.
Love is feeling her presence in everything around the home she cared for.
Love is feeling her warmth every morning when you look at the last picture you took of her.

Love slowly turned into a deep affection for those you consider your close friends, a bond that grew stronger with every shared memory, laugh, and even tear…

Love is laughing with friends over silly jokes, over a cup of chai.
Love is watching a friend dress up in flashy clothes and be in awe of her confidence, without judgment.
Love is calling your neighbor to check on her when you haven’t seen her for days.
Love is finding joy in the happiness of a friend who had a tough life and is now savoring her well-deserved holiday in India.

Love is holding your friend’s hand after she had a miscarriage.
Love is also reaching out to a friend for comfort when your heart is crushed by sad news.
Love is flying across the country to surprise your friend on her milestone birthday.
Love is also waking up early to drop your friend at the airport, even when you’re not a morning person at all.

In 2013, when the sequel to Aashiqui was released, I was a mother to a young child. This time, when I read the movie poster that said, ‘Love makes life live,’ all I could think about was how the love for your family and the people around you truly makes life worth living.

Love took on a whole new meaning when our four-legged one crashed into our world…

Love is bundling up and taking your dog for a walk on a freezing morning because he loves it.
Love is driving around the neighborhood in circles just so your dog can stick his nose out the window and feel the breeze on his face.
Love is feeling a deep ache when your dog is in pain, wondering just how bad it really is.
Love is seeing pure joy in his eyes the moment you take out his favorite toy for a game of fetch.
Love is watching his ears perk up at the magic words—“Walk,” “Banana,” “Dosa.”

Love is licking his dog mom’s face endlessly after a week apart.
Love is wagging his tail so furiously, it might just fall off, when he sees his dad step out of the airport gate after two weeks away.
Love is running over, pressing his wet nose against his dog mom every time he finishes his meal—his silent, heartfelt “thank you for the delicious meal, mamma”.

About all love can be the love we hold for ourselves…

Love is loving yourself and putting yourself first—cleaning the house but also treating yourself to that special takeout or chai at your favorite cafe.
Love is being kind to yourself for all the mistakes and mess-ups you’ve made along the way.
Love is loving your life so much that you know when to call it quits to focus on your dreams.

For decades, I looked for love in the big swoops, just like I was taught in Bollywood. I was disappointed at times but swept off my feet at other, quite unexpected moments.

In the end, I realize love isn’t just in the big Bollywood-style swoops—it’s in the little moments too.

And it’s also in the little things that make the big things more meaningful, grand, and memorable.

There are so many ways to say ‘I love you.’ There are so many ways to show you love them.

I don’t know where love will take me next, but I know love is in the air. Always and forever.

It’s up to us to find it, see it, be it, and live it.